Life's a gamble, it's either you're in or you're out.
Walking tall against the rain. http://deerinyourheadlights.tumblr.com/
disclaimer
The truth came out.
This blog contains random thoughts, rants, things that going on in my life. Basically feelings.
one in a million
open sesame
- - siti maisarah binti ab talib
- - sultan ibrahim girls' school
- - a dreamer, a twi-hard, one tree hill fan, music junkie
- - human, student, daughter, sister and a friend
It's amazing how things can change in the blink of an eye
2009/11/28/ 7:50 PM
As far as my friends know I am generally a happy person. I'm pretty sure no one would understand why I'd say they know I am generally happy, but that's fine, because no one has to understand it but me. I am happy or at least I try to be. I don't know what's going on with me right now. There's too much emotion in me until there's one point I don't know how I feel and that's not a good thing right? I really don't know what to blog but I am in the mood to write something so I've decided to just blog now since I have to get my butt off from the internet because my family and I will be going on a holiday! Yay for that :) Okay so in this entry I am going to rant about anything randomly cause I've been thinking a lot of things to write on this post but it turns out my brain's not working very well so I just give it a go. If this post turns out to be another crap from me, I am sincerely sorry and get the fuck off.
I'm such a dreamer that it scares me. I don't understand myself. I am sure that this words come across your mind like you don't understand yourself, like you're still figuring yourself out or why is it so hard to reach out to yourself because you feel like parts of you just keep leaving and somehow you seem lost. Believe me, I kept questioning myself everyday and there's a part of me that still don't know who am I supposed to be. I know it sounds pathetic but that's typical because I am a teenager and I am learning and phasing. There's ups and downs and yes I am okay with all of that shit.
I had an entire life plan, a goal, dream, but sometimes I don't know what's going to happen anymore. I am the kind of person that doesn't want to fade in the crowd, neither do I want to stand out. Is there a way to stay in between, or am I just thinking too much? I don't know why I write too much crap on my blog and I don't know why anyone would chose to read it. After I typed out everything I will re-read it and I would go "I am a total loser" and I don't like that feeling.
This year I realized that I am still the same but totally different. I'm sorry for those who don't have faith, for those who don't believe in miracle, for those who have to hide behind a mask, for those whom are 2 different people, for those who try to act cool, for those who think they're helping someone but in truth they're making everything messier, for those who choose to be followers because they're too scared to be leaders, for those who try too hard on everything, for those who feel they'll never be accepted, for those who hate their lives, for those who think they'll never be worth anything, for those who're so vulnerable to the world. The truth is, I'm some of those, but I'm not sorry for myself. I've never been sorry about anything for myself. The world is just so beautiful, so confusing, so amazing and so depressing and too much word to describe. Just like life. The highgs and lows are never gone, it's a never ending roller coaster that no one chooses to go on, but are forced on.
So what if I am lame or someone that they can make fun of. I don't care because this is reality, a real life and I am very much okay to live with this kind of life where there are still goods and bads, ups and downs.
I took this one from Lucas Scott of One Tree Hill, "There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad, afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back."
PS: Emotion strikes me tonight hence this post.
PSS: I can't wait for tomorrow cause Pulai Spring awaits for 'family day'. Loads of fun ;)
